- Posted by Bert Middleton
- On January 3, 2020
- 18 Comments
Most people don't know all the good things about getting gout. If we keep it all in perspective, we can really look on the bright side and inspire ourselves to prevent gout if you keep the right mindset about it all. Be sure to leave a comment at the bottom of the post about what you agree with most, OR, add what you like best about gout!
The first best thing about getting gout...
...is all the attention and sympathy you get. People see you hobbling along, wincing and grimacing in pain and they just want to be take care of you. Getting gout is one of the fastest ways to get your wife (or husband) to stop ragging on you and do all the chores you really didn't want to do anyway.
Another good thing about getting a gout attack is...
...how much time off work you get. There is nothing better than calling your boss, and saying, "Boss...good news! I'm having a gout attack and you don't have to see me today!" Why would you want to go to work and sweat and slave and get all stressed out when you could be at home with your foot propped up, moaning and groaning with a gout attack? You see, gout is looking out for you.
The best thing about gout is when I...
...tell people I'm having a gout attack. They start howling with laughter and call me "gout boy"! I love making people laugh, especially when I'm in so much pain. Somehow, it's sort like reverse psychology...humor is great therapy for gout.
Hey Bert, I love reading about all the knowledge you know; it’s pretty much changed my mind frame about things. I don’t get gout all the time, it comes now and then, but your book is awesome! I’m a big fan! You are The Man!
Every time I start getting gout I get so...
...excited! It is a like a total adventure! It is a great test for my mental and physical endurance. I used to do all kinds of crazy sports stuff like running marathons and going for grueling mountain bike rides - I would come back beaten and bloody and in SO much pain. Now all I have to do is get a gout attack and I get all that pain and more...and I don't even have to leave the house! Thank God For Gout!
Getting gout is like the first time I had...
...steak & lobster. (ha! fooled you!) I was hooked. I knew that this was the good stuff and that if I could afford it, I would have it every night. But if I had it every night, I would probably end up with gout. Which I did. If you do a true carnivoire diet, maybe you could get away with that...but long before that I had discovered milkshakes and all that sugar combined with all the protein (think purines) totally whacked out my insulin levels and which really messed up the way my one kidney is working. Lucky for me I got gout...it's probably saved me from a heart attack.
Some people liken gout to...
...a roller coaster ride! A thrill a minute! First you're up, then you're down. You never know if or when it's going to stop but the one thing you are sure of: It's going to be great when it's over!
Now all I have to do is get a gout attack and I get all that pain and more...and I don't even have to leave the house! Thank God For Gout!
If getting a gout attack were as satisfying as...
...jumping out of an airplane, I would get gout everyday! Even better than a roller coaster ride! Truly, gout is one of those kind of things that everyone should experience at least once in their lives. Trying to explain what getting gout is like to someone who has never gotten it, is...well, like trying to tell someone who's never jumped out of an airplane how wonderful that is! Try it! You'll like it!
Getting gout reminds me of the time...
...we hiked to the top of Mt. Shavano...damn near killed me. But it was worth the climb! Everytime I (used to) get over a gout attack, I (felt) feel the same - dodged that bullet! Gout attacks, (as you know) can be a harrowing ordeal, but doesn't it make you feel like you cheated the devil when you kill one?! I can totally relate!
I never thought gout could be so much...
...FUN! What do you do when you are in the middle of a smoldering gout attack? WATCH COMEDIES! It's great therapy for gout - you have to laugh off your gout attack. You don't go to work, you lay on the couch, drink lot's of tea, and watch Lucille Ball and Trevor Noah and Amy Schumer and Chris Rock! Ain't gout great?!
The last best thing about getting gout is when...
...the pain finally stops. It is so satisfying, it makes you want to have another gout attack right away! It's like cigarettes - it's SO satisfying and SO addictive!
Bottom-line: What is the best thing you like the most about getting gout?!
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Bert Middleton, The Original Gout Killer
“I know your pain. Let me help you kill your gout for good! And teach you to advocate for yourself and take ownership of your gout recovery, by showing you how to live the gout-free lifestyle.”
Two decades ago, Bert Middleton found himself diagnosed with gout. Like 8.3 million other people in the United States (approximately 4% of the population), he struggled helplessly with the physical, emotional, social, and financial impact that gout left unchecked can have on your life.
Prescription drugs were of limited help…
And the terrible pain of regular gout attacks left him unable to enjoy even the simplest daily pleasures. His marriage was suffering. His finances were spiraling due to the impact gout had on his ability to work. And maintaining a social life was often nearly impossible.
Tophi surgeries left him in terrible pain. And he found himself depressed … and angry … that gout was stealing years of his life.
Until one day, after hundreds of hours of research and self-experimentation, Bert finally had a breakthrough and created a blueprint for a way of living that would prove to be “the answer” to living gout-free for nearly a decade now.
Today, Bert and his “Gout Wife” Sharon devote their evenings and weekends to educating other gout sufferers on how to live the gout-free lifestyle via their website TheGoutKiller.com
Showing others his 911 Emergency Response Gout Recovery Plan for getting PAINFUL gout attacks under control in as little as 4 hours.
And then, how to make daily choices that keep gout under control for GOOD!
So you can finally start LIVING again!