Are You Bewildered When Gout Strikes?

Like, “where did this come from?” or, “what the hell…why is this happening to me?!” “I just got my ass kicked by gout!” If you answer yes to these questions, then I wrote this post just for you. But…by the time I’m done you might not like the answers.

The fact of the matter is, if you’ve been getting your ass kicked by gout, you can try to blame your mommy and daddy (genetics) for your gout, but really, you’re just going to have to look in the mirror and take responsibility. The symptoms of gout are simply the result of mismanaging your health.

In this world of fast foods and processed foods, a gadget or gizmo that does everything for you, and the billions that are spent on worshiping “convenience”, gout is inevitable. The ultimate convenience is pharmaceutical drugs and our kids these days think you go to doctors to get healthy. But the bottom-line is…if you think that drugs are going to save you from getting your ass kicked by gout…you’re living in fantasy land.

. . .

Hello Bert,

I followed the four hour recipe to help the pain. It worked but took a lot longer and I ended up doing the bs and acv for two day.
Since then, it has all disappeared. I had never heard of gout in the elbow. That was my second bout of gout. In the big toe and the elbow.
Horrible. I do want to get rid of it completely. I believe that exercise and diet are probably the key factors. I can’t buy it yet, but I do want to.

Thank you Bert for helping me get rid of the pain, I did not want to take any pills again.


. . .

It’s a Mess…So Let’s Have Some Fun With It.

  1. The first thing that should clue you in to that fact that an ass-kicker of a gout attack is on the way, is…you breathe like a weasel. (I’m not really sure how weasels breathe or don’t breathe but it makes for an interesting mental image) There’s a lot of people out there with sleep apnea that also have gout. Low blood oxygen saturation makes for acidic blood…acidic with uric acid. Solution: learn to breathe better when you’re awake.
  2. The second thing is, you’re a raisin. Can you even remember the last time you drank a glass of water? Water – not Mountain Dew. Gout hates hydration. Drink half your big old Mad Magazine body weight in ounces of water everyday – ex: 200lbs / 2 = 100oz of water p/day. (90kg / 2 = 2.9 liters of water p/day…old chap) Drink good water…filtered tap water is better than bottled water…and WAY cheaper!
  3. Third is: Eat Real Food! Drive past the drive-thru – avoid anything in box, bag, can, or bottle. If your eating trash you deserve to get a gout attack. Make a list and spend 90% of your time in the produce section of the grocery store – take it home and make your own food…and make some extra for lunch tomorrow – snacks and all.
  4. Fourth is – stop stressing! Damn it! Stress makes acid…and heart attacks. It’s an essential ingredient for cooking up a gout attack. Go back to the first thing: Breathe. Deep breathing calms you down and holds back the acidic, gout-causing stress hormones you yourself are manufacturing.
  5. The fifth thing is that if you drive a car…you’re going to give yourself a gout attack. How? Car exhaust. And a million other toxic chemicals we either breathe, touch, or swallow. So you and everyone you know has to stop driving cars so you can stop breathing all the toxic acidic crap that’s making your body a host for gout.
  6. The sixth warning sign is that if you’ve developed a massive and powerful thumb…from pumping too much TV remote, you can be sure gout is going to kick your ass like a 100lb weakling. It will have it’s way with you…and it should – even your doctor (who knows nothing about diet and nutrition) tells you, you need to get some exercise. Skip this one and your toast.
  7. The seventh and last red flag that gout is about to do a number on you is how well you…or how well you do not, Sleep. Right down to the cellular level, sleep is a major component of how the body repairs and rejuvenates – i.e. has the strength and stamina to withstand what the world (and you) throw at it. So…what are you still doing here?! Get to sleep!

    ☆ Bottom Line:  Getting your ass kicked by gout is just a choice.


Bert Middleton

“I know your pain. Let me help you kill your gout for good!  And teach you to advocate for yourself and take ownership of your gout recovery, by showing you how to live the gout-free lifestyle.” Two decades ago, Bert Middleton found himself diagnosed with gout. Like 8.3 million other people in the United States (approximately 4% of the population), he struggled helplessly with the physical, emotional, social, and financial impact that gout left unchecked can have on your life. Prescription drugs were of limited help… And the terrible pain of regular gout attacks left him unable to enjoy even the simplest daily pleasures. His marriage was suffering. His finances were spiraling due to the impact gout had on his ability to work. And maintaining a social life was often nearly impossible. Tophi surgeries left him in terrible pain.  And he found himself depressed … and angry … that gout was stealing years of his life.

Until one day, after hundreds of hours of research and self-experimentation, Bert finally had a breakthrough and created a blueprint for a way of living that would prove to be “the answer” to living gout-free for nearly a decade now. Today, Bert and his “Gout Wife” Sharon devote their evenings and weekends to educating other gout sufferers on how to live the gout-free lifestyle. Showing others his 911 Emergency Response Gout Recovery Plan for getting PAINFUL gout attacks under control in as little as 4 hours. And then, how to make daily choices that keep gout under control for GOOD! So you can finally start LIVING again!